A Christmas Story for people having a bad day…

Author Unknown

If you know who the original author is, please let me know in the comments so I can properly credit them. Thank you!

Santa having a bad day. Created in LimeWire by Shannon Callahan

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones,

Santa was beginning to have a bad day.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

'Twas the Night Before Impeachment

 by Chris Duel

I made a fun little video of this poem if you prefer to listen and watch rather than read:

'Twas the Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House, 

All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, louse.

The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,

In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.

The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,

While visions of perjury danced in their heads.

And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,

Had just settled in for a long evening's nap.

When out in the Gulf, there arose such a clatter,

They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.

When what to their wondering eyes should appear

But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.

With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,

They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!

More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

"Now Conyers, now Gephardt, let's forget about The Vixen!

On Barney! On Maxine! I'm no Richard Nixon!!!"

"From Capital Hill to the Washington Mall,

Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!!!"

And then the Republicans heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As they scratched their heads and were turning around,

The resilient Saint Willie scored another rebound.

No longer was he eating from his humble pie,

While assaulting Saddam with his bombs from the sky.

A bundle of weapons he had flung at Iraq,

It looked once again like Slick Willie was back.

His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the hair on his head was as white as the snow.

The stump of a stogie, he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

He was chubby and plump-a right jolly old elf,

And the Republicans wept, in spite of themselves.

And a wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave them to know they had something to dread.

He spoke with the right words and went straight to his work

Hard to believe that an Intern once called him "The Jerk."

And shaking his finger and thumbing his nose,

By "Wagging The Dog," up the polls he rose.

He turned to his spinmeisters and gave them a whistle,

Then they cheered-on Slick Willie as he launched another missile.

They all heard him exclaim, with Impeachment out of sight,

"Happy Ramadan to all, and to all a good night."

Would you like to see a revised version of this poem? Or perhaps a version with a commentary? Let me know in the comments.

If you would like to see more of this type of humor, let me know in the comments below.

Politics

 Another little jewel of humorous storytelling that was passed around years ago. I was just tickled it fell into my lap!

Author Unknown

If you know who the original author is, please let me know in the comments so I can properly credit them. Thank you!

Photo by Holly Landkammer on Unsplash

A small boy asks his dad, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it his way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in deep shit."

If you would like to see more of this type of humor, let me know in the comments below.

Honk if you Love Jesus

A couple of decades ago, this short, funny, fictional, tongue-in-cheek story about someone who is hopelessly naïve, was faxed/emailed around. I was lucky enough to be one of the recipients. 

Authors: Ralph and Julie

Photo by Shannon Callahan

The other day, I went to a local religious bookstore where I saw a "HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS" bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience that followed! 😍

I was stopped at the light of a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and I did not notice that the light had changed. The bumper sticker really worked! I found out that lots of people love Jesus! 🙌 Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy! He must really love the Lord because pretty soon he leaned out the window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game, with him shouting, 🏈"Go, Jesus Christ, Go!!"🏈

Everyone else started honking too, so I leaned out my window and waved🙋and smiled back at all those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a "Sunny Beach", and I saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I had recently asked my kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled, and told me that it was a Hawaiian good luck sign. So I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back! 

A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray🙏, but just then I noticed the light had changed, and I stepped on the gas! It's a good thing I did because I was the only car to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned out the window, gave them a big smile😁, and held up the Hawaiian Good Luck sign as I drove away. 

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!✞

Please let me know in the comments if you like the emojis or not. I'd like to take your feedback and revise the posts.

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